« I only want to be a poo | Main | Grillin with the Stonies »
December 4, 2006
I Got Puffed
I spent the weekend in Santa Fe, New Mexico hanging with my mom and friends and it was really, really great. Colleen and I rented a little apartment with a fireplace, and there was snow on the ground, and we ate a lot. Like a LOT. There are some killer restaurants in Santa Fe, and one that has the famous Pimientos de Padron peppers that I fell in love with in Spain.
I have to say though - flying is really, really getting to be a drag. It is just really starting to bug. Today, we got Puffed by a GE Puffer. Today was the first time I have seen this machine and of course, me and Colleen were chosen for this special experience. I am convinced it was Colleen's subliminal fuck you of putting one tiny hotel lotion in a quart sized bag (subliminal, because Colleen is too nice to do that on purpose. I added the fuck you.) I thought it was kind of hilarious, myself, but obviously security finds this sort of behavior, well, threatening.
I guess I should preface this by confessing to my own attempt at a "fuck you" on the way out of San Diego. In my quart sized bag, in addition to my lotion, toothpaste and shampoo, I put a knife-less corkscrew and four vials of grappa. The corkscrew was a Guillotine style, the kind with a built-in foilcutter instead of a knife, one that I thought would be a common sight to the TSA by now. The vials of grappa were, well, vials of grappa. They look like those free samples of perfume you sometimes get. The crazy thing is, I didn't even drink the grappa, I just wanted to see what would happen if I tried to get them through. Did you know you can bring beverages from home in your quart sized bag as long as they are three ounces or less? I take this to mean you can bring a quart sized bag with a mini bar of little bottles, but I thought I would try the grappa first before testing that theory.
I got stopped for the corkscrew. Not the grappa. I had to go to the special area where you aren't allowed to put anything on the table while they inspected the corkscrew for a really long time, and then went back to run it through the xray machine again. Well, it is pretty obvious that this thing is a piece of plastic and there is no knife on it, but whatever. The vials of grappa were not even a Blip on their Radar.
Anyhow, back to the GE Puffer. If you have ever been on the Raiders of the Lost Ark ride at Disneyland, then you have been puffed. But, believe me when I tell you, it is a lot more fun being puffed by fake arrows on a crazy jeep at Disneyland than it is by this big hunk of metal that you have to walk into after you shed your shoes, your belt, your coat, and after you put your quart sized bag of lotion and grappa in the bin. There was a sign next to it that read (I kid you not) "if you are wearing a skirt or a loose shirt, please hold them down." You walk into that thing and it blasts air at you, just like on the Raiders of the Lost Ark ride, and it SUCKS. It is weird, it is disconcerting, and yes, it blew my shirt up a bit. THEN you have to go through the regular xray machine. Then you can collect your shoes, and retrieve your quart sized bag.
I guess this is the way of the future, but friggen GE is making $160,000 a pop on those icky things. Maybe it's not just about terrorism. Maybe it's about MONEY. GE and Ziplock are in cahoots to line their pockets while the TSA is stripping ours.
Having said all this, I'll probably go down a notch on the acceptable flyer list, but whatever. That puffer thing SUCKS and I want you all to know it.
Posted by Shannon at December 4, 2006 6:59 PM
Posted to How do we all stay grounded when the world is spinning so fast?
Comments
Shannon, I was puffed last March in San Juan, PR.
It was not as bad as being disgustingly patted down by the Las Vegas woman custom's officer. I kept telling her it was my necklace causing the problem but she would not let me take it off. J.
Posted by: chiaro di luna at December 5, 2006 4:09 PM
ew. i was not aware of the puffer. that is so fuct and you are right, it isn't about terrrorism it's about money, just ike the invasion of iraq was.
have you heard about the full-body x-ray machine that is a virtual strip search? it's called "the backscatter" and is being tested this month at a u.s. international airport. it will display graphic images of of naked bodies. federal officials say that the genitals can be blurred out and that the x-ray image will be erased from from the screen once a passsenger is cleared.
anybody buying this crazy shite?
Posted by: Lisa at December 7, 2006 11:58 PM
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)